Have you ever looked around at everything waiting for your attention and thought… “Why can’t I just get it together?”
Maybe you’ve compared yourself to other women who seem to do it all—working full-time, raising kids, staying fit, keeping a perfectly clean house—and wondered, “What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I have that kind of energy anymore?”
And maybe you’ve even said it out loud… “I must just be lazy.”
I know that feeling, because I’ve said the same thing to myself. I remember standing in my kitchen one day, completely exhausted from doing what seemed like the bare minimum.
My body ached, my brain felt foggy, and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just push through like I used to. The word lazy kept echoing in my head.
But here’s the truth: what I was feeling wasn’t laziness at all.
It was survival mode.
And when your body is in survival mode, because of autoimmune flares, because of perimenopause, or simply because of the weight of carrying so much in midlife—it changes everything.
The truth is, you’re not broken, you’re not weak, and you’re definitely not lazy.
You’re human.
And your body is trying to protect you in the only way it knows how.
In this episode, I unpack what’s really happening underneath the surface, why it matters that we stop labeling ourselves as lazy, and how understanding this shift can free you from the shame spiral and help you move forward with more compassion for yourself.
The Lie of Laziness
How many times have you pushed yourself with that voice in your head saying, “You should be doing more. You should be able to handle this”?
The truth is, our culture glorifies productivity and busyness.
Women in midlife especially carry the weight of expectations. Caring for kids, managing work, supporting aging parents. All while dealing with the very real physical changes of autoimmune flares and perimenopause.
When your body says “slow down” and the world says “hurry up,” it’s easy to label yourself lazy.
But laziness isn’t the problem.
Your body is just trying to survive.
What Survival Mode Really Looks Like in Midlife Women
So what do I mean when I say survival mode?
Think of your nervous system as your body’s command center. When stress piles up, your body flips the switch into fight, flight, or freeze. It’s not a conscious choice, it’s biology.
- That brain fog you feel? That’s survival mode.
- The exhaustion that no amount of coffee fixes? Survival mode.
- The irritability, the forgetfulness, the lack of motivation? Yep, survival mode.
Your body isn’t betraying you—it’s protecting you. It’s conserving energy because it thinks you’re under threat.
Midlife, Autoimmune, and Perimenopause: The Perfect Storm
Now let’s layer in autoimmune issues and perimenopause.
Your immune system is already working overtime, your hormones are shifting, and your energy is being rerouted to simply keep you functioning.
It’s like running a marathon every day without training for it. Of course you’re tired. Of course you don’t feel like doing all the things.
So let me ask you—does that sound like laziness to you? Or does it sound like a body that deserves compassion?
Breaking the Shame Cycle
Here’s why this matters.
- When you believe the lie of laziness, you pile shame on top of an already heavy load.
- Shame keeps you stuck.
- It tells you you’re broken, that you’re not enough, that you’ll never change.
But what if instead of shame, you offered yourself understanding? What if you could look at your lack of energy and say, “My body is protecting me, not punishing me”?
Imagine the relief of realizing you don’t need to push harder. You just need to listen deeper.
You’re Not Alone
I’ve been there. I’ve had those days where getting out of bed felt impossible, where I thought, “I just don’t have what it takes.”
But through my own journey with autoimmune and perimenopause, I learned that what I thought was weakness was actually wisdom. My body was signaling me to slow down, to reset, to rebuild.
And maybe you need that reminder too. You’re not alone in this.
Practical Ways to Support Your Body in Perimenopause and Autoimmune Flares
So what do we do with this?
- Start by noticing: When you feel “lazy,” pause and ask—what is my body trying to protect me from right now?
- Shift the language: Replace “lazy” with “my body is asking for rest.”
- Take one small action: Not a to-do list overhaul. Just one step to signal safety to your body. Maybe it’s a breath. Maybe it’s a glass of water. Maybe it’s saying no.
Because every small act of self-compassion helps
move you out of survival mode and back into balance.
Rewriting the Story: From Lazy to Resilient, Thriving, and Whole
So the next time you hear that voice whisper, “You’re lazy,” I want you to push back with truth: “I’m not lazy. I’m healing. I’m listening. I’m human.”
You are not broken. You are not alone. Let’s rise—together.